Hope Community of Shalom, Inc
Grandparents tasked with bringing up their children’s children face many
hurdles, but support is out there for those who seek it
Lee Green
Parenting is a unique experience, and one most people
don’t expect to repeat once their kids leap from the nest.
Sometimes though — quite often, actually — misdeeds or
misfortunes force grandparents back into active duty caring for their
children’s children, a chore that can be made more difficult by retirement
or low income and generational gaps.
About 4.5 million children in the
Suriah Maldonado, 3, hands
her father, Joe, a stuffed animal as her grandmother Katherine watches
while they all play in Suriah's room Wednesday evening. Katherine helps
raise her granddaughter after her son Joe gained full custody of Suriah.
Katherine M. Maldonado of
Merissa Ferguson/A-J Photo
“I got raised the old-fashioned way: respect, honesty,
patience, being close to God,” she said. “It’s really hard on me because my
daughter is 25 years old and my son is 22, and it’s like having to start all
over again. A lot of things have changed in this world, so you’ve just got
to live day by day.”
There is help is available for Maldonado and other
grandparents seeking financial or emotional support, but it can be difficult
to find or utilize, said Sue Flanagan.
Flanagan of Lubbock has been raising her 7-year-old
granddaughter for six and a half years. Raising a child was not the way she
expected to spend
her retirement, but she said she feels blessed and
happy to have the opportunity.
Speaking from her own involvement with programs that
aid grandparents raising children, she said a lack of accessibility and
awareness of the programs hurts the people who need them most.
“I met some grandparents here that are raising
grandchildren,” she said. “They’ve had them for about 10 years or so, they
adopted them, but nobody told them when they adopted their grandchildren
that they could get additional dependence benefits for the kids, so they
lost tens of thousands of dollars.”
Flanagan said Social Security does not pay benefits
retroactively, and the money that family lost out on could have paid for
college for one of the children.
“There’s not a system to help grandparents find that
information,” she said. “They’re so busy trying to keep their heads above
water to meet their grandkids’ needs that they can’t find the information.”
The Parenting Cottage is one Suriah Maldonado, 3, plays with a stuffed animal in
her room Wednesday evening. Suriah is raised by her father, Joe, and
grandmother, Katherine.
Wednesday of every month to discuss issues that arise from being
parents again, as well as to provide resources for financial and emotional
support.
Merissa Ferguson/A-J Photo
Executive director Carla Olson said grandparents can
have a hard time adjusting to parenting because of the situation surrounding
their own children.
“For some, it’s real hard for them to come to terms
with the fact that their own child isn’t a good parent,” she said, adding
that there can be anger involved. “It’s OK for grandparents to feel that.”
Another stressor is the lifestyle change. One
grandparent talked about her elderly friends not wanting to hang out with
the grandchild she began raising. She eventually made new friends through a
support group for grandchildren raising their grandchildren.
The Methodist Children’s Home Lubbock Outreach Office
offers two support groups for custodial grandparents. One meets at the Hope
Community of Shalom the third Thursday of each month, and the other meets in
the dining room of
Helen Crossland, a social worker with the outreach
office, said the meetings address concerns from both the grandparents and
the grandchildren. She said some do not have many resources, and some just
need encouragement.
“It’s a different stage in life when you should be the
grandparent, but you have to be a parent again,” Crossland said.
